Stuck in limbo.

I'm in between a period of post-gaming and getting new games to play, it's my fault i guess, i should have planned my dl-ing times better. Since i have so much free time to contemplate stuff, i came up with some thoughts today.


A question that i like to ask myself alot is "When i die, who will actually shed tears for me?" More often than not, i realise that the truth is that not everyone will. Will the girl i fought so hard for during sem 2, the close friends i made in RP, will anyone shed a tear? Will anyone even come to my funeral? Will i even HAVE a funeral? or will the neighbours find out im dead because of the rotting stench? I am only human, and no matter how cold i can be sometimes, or how happy i appear to be, i do have feelings, and i do still have a craving for human interactions.


Perhaps that is the reason why i fear survival-horror games. the whole me vs tons of demons concept. I was playing Penumbra earlier (terrifying survival-horror) and i realised i had to constantly turn around, watch my own back. It made me realise how important PEOPLE are in everyone's life.


Even back in the days when i was a loner. I was a loner because i craved attention. I wanted someone to ask "hey, why are u so lonely, come on, join us!" Perhaps, beneath this oddly cold skin is a true human being who wants to know that he is loved.


Again, i like to stress that this is exactly why i hate holidays. Its like im robinson crusoe, stranded on a friggin island. My brother is hardly ever home, i WISH my parents and sister weren't at home. Im all alone! there is no one i give a damn about in this house.


I hate living like this... if u can call it living...