Deja Vu

Now, hols have just started and i downloaded the first 3 seasons of this comedy called The Office, of which i have been a long time viewer of (just never found the dedication to sit down every week and wait at the same time). Now that i have the time and i HAVE downloaded them all, i just finished watching the last episode of Season 2 and felt a strong urge to blog. why? Because in the last episode, Jim finally tells Pam about his feelings for her. Now, in my honest opinion, everything that they said in that short clip which i will post, is basically a sumarry of the conversation that i had with my special someone on that friday night. a coincidence? maybe.... Now as im typing this, i realise the guy's name is Jim, not too far from my class nickname Jimmy, is it? Deja vu? hell yes.



In case you can't hear it too well, here's the conversation from wikiquote.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just—
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um—I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea—
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: —what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.
Pam: I can't. I'm really sorry - if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.
Jim: Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.

On the 6th day of sore throat, my doctor gave to me~

4 different medications and told me to rest at home for 3 days minimum. This means.. i'l miss the last day of school as well as the chance to see joyce off to the airport.. sorry joyce =(

Doctor said i have Severe Viral infection of the throat, lucky not tonsillitis or i'll need an op.

One of the meds has a drowsy effect. I came home, had lunch, took it, and went to sleep. 4 hours later, woke up, had dinner, took med again and now i feel sleepy again -.-

On the 6th day of sore throat, my mother said to me...

"Go see the doctor"

Finally... I'm coming to school for UT first and leaving straight after that.

Today, my throat took an even bigger turn for the worse (ive been coughing, bleeding, losing my voice thus far), today, my throat is swollen. till the point where when i drink a mouthful of water, i have to divide it into two... kinda scary... suddenly, the joke about throat cancer doesnt seem so funny anymore...

Spam

My sister told me to spam these Difflam Lozenges which she got from work. she said its supposed to numb the throat. But... when i eat it, it seems to numb the whole mouth EXCEPT the throat -.-

Throats not gotten any better today.. my voice sounding like some kind of weird distant thunder, those low rumble kind. Lucky tomorrow holiday. imagine if i had to go back to school, full air con day, with lots of talking. Confirm will get worse...


For her:
If i can only be your close friend, if that's all that i can get, i'll take the job with honour, i'll be the best one yet.

Shit.

I feel like shit. I sound like shit.

Since young, i was always a hyper-sensitive to the smell of cigarette smoke. so on friday, when that smoker sat next to me for that hour, infecting me with the smell of cigarette smoke, i could feel a sore throat start to develop.

Anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows that out of all illness, i HATE sore throat the most. headaches, just take panadol. fever, just go sleep. cold, just tahan. Sore throat god damns decides to REMIND you you have sore throat every friggin time you swallow. and as the production of saliva is continuous, thats alot of pain in a day. Worse, you might be thinking, just sleep it off. But hey, its not as easy as fever. you go to sleep with a sore throat (which is hard to do anyways), you wake up with an ever sorer and drier throat.

Worse is that, this sore throat im having is the irritating kind, not those kind caused by heaty food. heaty food one, the pain is minor, irritating, but minor. This sore throat is the worse kind. Why? i woke up this morning, my mouth full of saliva (my brain refuses to swallow when i have a sore throat), I went to the toilet to spit it out, and there's blood in it! FUCK!

Hurts like shit. feels like shit. IS shit. urgh.

Believe.

Sometimes, my good friends ask me, "Why, jm, why do u go out of your way to help people even if you won't get anything in return?"

The answer, while it might seem foolish to some, to me is "It is because i believe that someday, these small actions of mine have the potential to change the world."

My motto in life has been "To change the world, one individual at a time." since as long as i can remember and to me it is very much the guiding line for my life. That motto was what made my ambition to become a teacher still alive today. I want to be a teacher, because i like the feeling knowing that i can make a difference in those little children's life, hoping that someday, they can go on to become the outstanding citizens that i have failed to become.

How, some might ask, can doing some small things affect so many people?

I gave my friend, joyce, an example today. Somedays, joyce will ask me to buy a bottle of 100plus for her, and i always do that, even if it means the extra trouble of lugging my heavy ass from the class to 7-11 again. But i do it, because it is my belief that if i buy that bottle of 100plus for her, she will start her day slightly happier and less troubled. This will then permeate through her to people around her in class, she might think "hey, since im in a good mood, let's help so-and-so do so-and-so" which might then proceed on to be a chain effect and make alot of people happier.

Yes, sometimes, i do get tired of giving and would like to receive once in a while, but at the end of the day, i still believe that i am doing the right thing.


Joyce, like me, has a motto in life, which is somewhat opposite to mine.
"If you are everything to everybody, You ended up being nothing to yourself"
That is what i feel sometimes when im sick of giving...
But then, i remember that for me, the act of giving, or caring for people IS being something to myself...

This happens to me even in gaming. I used to play a game called Fiesta Online. and in that game, i was a warrior, a kind of kill-bash character. One day, as i was fighting by myself, this high-level cleric came by and blessed me, giving me 4 times more health for an hour. It was a simple act which required less than a few seconds. But for me, i was so inspired by that act of random kindness that i deleted my warrior and created a cleric as well. I trained hard for a full month (the longest i spent on any MMORPG) before finally achieving the level required to cast that very same blessing. All around me, my friends were training hard and they out-leveled me, simply because of the fact that once i had that spell, training was no longer important to me. I would wander around noob areas, blessing random noobs. I might not get thanked 100% of the time, but deep down, i still feel glad i do it, because i know, i made a difference.

I know that i, as one mere teenager, cannot do enough to change the world in a lifetime, maybe even ten. But for me, that is no reason to be discouraged. I can still try my best.

White.

Laughter is the sound a person makes when they are happy. or at least, that is what most people think...

There is also a, what i call, the self-defense laugh. When one is hurt inside or just not in the mood to actually laugh, they will laugh a forced laugh in order to prevent others from knowing how they really truly feel... Had to do this alot since friday...

its 7:42am now. Joyhan should be here pretty soon... most likely will be changing teams today judging by faci's class comments for last week...