5 down, 10 to go.

In the blink of an eye, the semester is almost over, which feels weird, because i still remember the earlier lessons as though they happened just last week.

It is rather startling how quickly time has flown when i was in RP...

Months ago, i wasn't sure if i made the right decision to come to RP, even though it was my only choice... but now, i know that even if i could turn back time and choose to do things differently, this would be the one thing i would not change.

Here, i finally understood the meaning of friendship, and the true meaning of Brotherhood. here, i had fallen in love, twice. Here, i had my first relationship. Here, i had my heart broken when it ended. And again, here, i had my heart broken when i was rejected. Yeah, sometimes the experiences might not be good. but thats life, right? no point moping around and hoping that the person will change their minds.

RP has changed me alot as a person, in a way that i find comfortable. i hear tales from my friends in other poly, and i must admit, their tales of change does not suit me. Their tales of change are those of "stupid stunts in orientation camps" and nonsense like that. I like RP, because it changed me gradually, by making me work with 25 people over the course of a few months. Yeah, cliques do form, but at the end of the day, everyone is comfortable with one another, because we have worked with each other and played with each other.

Those who knew me in Sem 1 would have seen the change more obviously. in a matter of weeks, i went from a quiet little guy to a rather noisy and lame one. It took me faster to adapt to life in sem 2 mainly because by then, i was used to talking already. and i guessed it also helped that my first friend in sem 2, joyce, talks alot.

Overall, i am proud to be a Republican, a student of Republic Polytechnic. (Though i support the democratic party in the USA, not the republicans.)

Tired.

For days, i have found it difficult to sleep, troubled by the same issue.

No, its not schoolwork, no its not a Writer's Block, no, im not stuck in a game.

It is, as always, the simple issue of romance.

It sounds simple, really. I just need to give up. to move on. But i really wish it was that easy to do. if only it could be so easy to forget about the road, the bus stop, the bicycles, and the exchange of words that sometimes made but mostly ruin my day.

Why is it so hard to forget? i have no troubles forgetting what i ate for lunch last week, or how many times i killed my friends in CS. so why this? why? sigh...

i'm tired. sick and tired of it.

Anyone who knows i play FM, knows i take pride in my team. right now, my team is struck with injuries. 5 out of 11 of my main players are struck with injuries and as such, im forced to use the reserves. and thus, a stunning 6-3 defeat to blackburn, before this one was a 3-1 defeat to arsenal. next comes liverpool and man utd. *shudder*

Prayer

People who know how i live my life will know that everyday, my father will force me to kneel in front of the altar everyday and pray. And people who know me, will know that i am an athiest, thus the 30 seconds spent kneeling is just a chance for me to dirty my knees or pants.

However today, as i knelt in front of the wooden altar, the praying light switched on, the chinese characters on the tablets representing my ancestral lineage and some gods, i prayed. Very sincerely and out of the bottom of my heart.

My first prayer went to my best bud from sec sch.

I prayed that someday he would find the happiness he is looking for and that maybe, someday, his life will finally straighten out.

My second prayer went out to one of my best friend from poly (you know who you are)
and it went something like this.

"I know you might be pissed, because i don't believe in you. But if there is a god somewhere, somehow, you cannot let this happen to him. you cannot ruin a young responsible man's future. ___________Content blurred out to retain privacy______"

My third prayer was for myself.

"Though i do not believe in god, or heaven or hell, i still believe in good and evil. Yes, sometimes, i dont do my homework. yes, sometimes i skip school, but i believe that overall, i am still a good person. I give my best to help someone if they ask me for it. I do volunteer work. But sometimes i am sick of giving. Don't you think it would be fair to have someone care for me, to love me?"

And thus, concluded my first genuine 30 second prayer.

As Nickelback sang in the song Gotta Be Somebody,
"Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there."

As time drags on and the semester is coming to a close, i know that i cannot linger anymore... i have to move on... It is obvious that my feelings are not reciprocated and i should move on. i need to.


And to my 2 friends, let me just adapt a proper prayer for you.

"Lord, Give my friends the strength to accept that which they cannot change."



Note: im still athiest.

MMOs i've played recently.

1)Rappelz
2)Soldier Front
3)Wolf Team
4)Fiesta Online

1) Rappelz is a pretty good game, but i only played it for 2 days, reason being i only like being a cleric usually, but in this game, the clerics are severely underpowered. The only thing they're supposed to be good at, healing, they suck at. but overall, 7/10.

2) Soldier Front. Imagine a crappy CS and make it crappier a bit more. Laggy controls and unresponsive controls make what could be a good CS clone not as good. Nevertheless, has some interesting modes, and a good substitute if for whatever reason you can't play CS with ur friends. 5.5/10.

3) Wolf Team seems like a pretty good game, imo. But sadly, my com lags very very badly playing it, dont know if its my fault or theirs as alot of people seem to have the same problem. But from the 2 matches that i played, it seems rather promising. 6.5/10.

4) Fiesta Online. Stopped playing it almost a year ago, but missed it. My all time favourite MMORPG due to it's great community. And sadly, my laptop seems to have trouble playing it as it would freeze every 5 seconds or so. and as a single cleric holding up a whole group of people, a freeze can result in alot of death, so i decided to drop it again, which is rather sad, because i even made a post in the forums that i was returning. 9/10.

Am downloading Perfect World. Seems rather promising.

Meanwhile, im either rewatching Fate/Stay Night for the third time or playing Unreal Tournament 2004.

For Adam.

This is my full strength squad. no big difference, except mavuba move up and sub with modric.
This way, u can play through the flanks as well as through the middle.. More efficiently through the flanks because arteta is good at cutting in and bentley has good crosses. Here, Gonzalez takes on a more defensive role because with modric, he doesn't need to go up as much. Sylvain and Distin need to arrow down because they're both attack minded defenders but dont have enough pace to pull offside traps, so must arrow down to keep them behind. Bale and corluka has good pace and crosses, so arrow up to do overlapping runs.
My shortlist. Reduced alot. Used to have alot more. Oscar is 16 years old, so is computer generated one, not sure if will be as good at ur side or not.

If i notice the opponent is getting too many chances at goal, i will switch to this formation at half time. Bale and corluka arrow down, so they wont do overlapping runs and will stay behind to defend. 2 holding midfielders to conduct tackles as well as to pass the ball forward. Arteta and Bentley more behind than usual to help out if needed. If in this formation, it is better to use a AMC and F C that have higher speed for counter attacks, because in this formation, you're less likely to score from normal chances.


This is my desperate tactic. if at 70 minute, scoreline is draw or im losing by one goal, i will switch to this. no need midfield la.. everything go to the wings, because my wings is the best part of my team. then let them cross or cut in to the middle and pray. If the opponent has an excellent midfield, i might pull one striker down to DM or CM to hold them out.

This are my FM09 formations, thank you for reading.

New Year.

I remember when i was young how excited i would get during the countdown for the new year. I was so excited because of all the fireworks and performances i'd see on TV. How disgustingly naive.

As i grew older, i came to realise what a new year actually meant, and realised that it's nothing to celebrate. Because a new year represents another year of s***. Another year of school. Another year of putting up with teachers. Another year of living with these... fiends that i call my family.

So last night, as the clock struck 12 and my best friend hung up the phone after wishing me happy new year, all i did was send out 2 text messages to the other 2 people who mattered to me and hoped that they would have a better year... As the neighbour below me continued partying, i just sat here at my desk and "celebrated" the new year by playing unreal tournament with 17 other bots.